magicofthepiper (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
magicofthepiper) wrote2025-01-18 04:25 pm
magicofthepiper) wrote2025-01-18 04:25 pm
January has been cold, I hope it warms up by March
I'm going to have go through a lot of self-healing before I can feel comfortable with making art for commissions.
I currently do a lot of work for my parents, but it's not a healthy experience for me. I've always struggled to find self-worth in my art away from their judgment. And working so closely with them and experiencing their unfiltered responses to other artisans that they commission has had a negative affect on me.
Plus, I really do think I have undiagnosed ADD, but I can't persue meds for it as long as there's a chance my mother can discover I'm on them. So it's really difficult to get started on what I want to do when I'm experiencing that finishing projects doesn't actually deliver the dopamine hit or sense of relief that I expected.
When I'm in a better state of mind, I'll be posting fan art. Fan art creates a unique sense of joy in me that allows me to overcome the self-doubt. But I also feel a lot of shame just at thought of my parents coming across it and despising it, so much of it stays tucked away in books and file cabinets.
That is... if I ever manage to put it down on paper at all.
I currently do a lot of work for my parents, but it's not a healthy experience for me. I've always struggled to find self-worth in my art away from their judgment. And working so closely with them and experiencing their unfiltered responses to other artisans that they commission has had a negative affect on me.
Plus, I really do think I have undiagnosed ADD, but I can't persue meds for it as long as there's a chance my mother can discover I'm on them. So it's really difficult to get started on what I want to do when I'm experiencing that finishing projects doesn't actually deliver the dopamine hit or sense of relief that I expected.
When I'm in a better state of mind, I'll be posting fan art. Fan art creates a unique sense of joy in me that allows me to overcome the self-doubt. But I also feel a lot of shame just at thought of my parents coming across it and despising it, so much of it stays tucked away in books and file cabinets.
That is... if I ever manage to put it down on paper at all.